Chapter 64. Gold cracks

“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. 

They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history

 it becomes more beautiful.”

– Billie Mobayed

I’m wrapping up this story of the last two or so decades of my life, and I continue to be fatigued. I feel like running away; I’d rather not make any more dinners, or prepare taxes, or do laundry, or trip to the grocery store, or show up to my day job, or scrub the toilets, or exercise my body. You get the idea.

I’m kinda sick of it all. I kinda wanna just quit.

I need reminders of the deeper truths of existence.

I’m reading The Gifts of Near-Death Experiences: You Don’t Have to Die to Experience Your True Home, by Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn, and Matthew Lin. They record the words from one who had a near-death experience (NDE):

Realizing that the Light, the magnificent Universal energy is within us and is us, changes us… I could refer to it as God, or Source, or Brahman, or All That  Is, but… I don’t perceive the Divine as a separate entity from myself or anyone else… It transcends duality so that I’m permanently united from within and am indivisible from it.” – Anita Moorjani

In summary of descriptions from many who have had near-death experiences (NDEs), the authors say, 

“What is common in these efforts to describe the Light is a perception of infinite, unconditional love, and the realization that this infinite, unconditional love, which manifests itself as light, is the essence of all things, including ourselves."

“Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above;

it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light,

in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation…”

- James 1: 17

“What kills is judgment; what heals is love. 

The Light itself is only love, and it never judges; 

instead it gently nudges you toward your essential self. 

It wants you to realize that your core being is this Light – 

it is not something external to you. 

When you become identified with this Light, 

you will have only love and compassion for yourself – 

and for everything – 

and you will be able to let go of all judgement. 

Self-condemnation, 

guilt, 

and other forms of self-laceration likewise are vanquished. 

When judgment – 

that ruthless sower of division – 

falls away, 

there is only acceptance – 

of everything. 

And that is called love.” 

– Kenneth Ring