Chapter 45. Choice

On a Monday late afternoon in October 2004 I am putting away groceries, making supper, sending off some emails, and multi-tasking galore, all while waiting for Gregg to come home. He is later than expected and I start to get impatient, because (as I realized later) I want him to ‘catch’ me doing so much for him and the family.

 

Working so hard.

Wanting to be superwoman. 

I still have a narcissistic need for approval and want to hear some version of “well done, thou good and amazing woman.”

My impatience grows to irritation: I think of something he said earlier that day, and then I think of something else that has recently irritated me about him. I start to formulate a biting comment for when he walks through the door.

And suddenly I catch myself. Early that same afternoon I had read about ‘mood congruity’: that when the brain is under the influence of one emotion, it habitually makes connections to past events that trigger the same emotional response. Memory and emotion are closely tied together. When we’re experiencing stress, our brain is more likely to recall stressful memories from our past than upbeat ones. Or if frightened, we’ll think of other threats rather than moments of safety. This phenomenon can serve a protective function, but sometimes some of us let negative thoughts kidnap us. That would be me.

Conversely, this idea works for a happy event as well. Happy thoughts perpetuate more happy thoughts.  In that moment of irritability I realize I have a choice about what to think and feel and act. I can redirect to the positive. I can prepare myself to be kind rather than nasty.  I will.

In that moment, God reminds me of God’s good design for life and relationships. We are to think on the good, to renew our mind. We are urged (in Philippians 4:8) to lean into the positive by dwelling on 

“whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, worthy of praise.”  

Not on whatever is ugly, unlovely, or irritating.

In the couple of years – between the previous chapter’s events in 2002 and this mood congruity realization of fall 2004 – lots of life happens. Struggles certainly, but no crises. So many good and happy moments, and it is good for me to recount them. Kids continue to mature and explore their own relationships. 

We continue as family.

As I scan the pictures I see that we --

- have fun celebrating family birthdays

- continue our yearly tradition of family vacations and of camping in the fall with our Iowa friends

- attend countless soccer games (Mark and Dan), relish the music of numerous concerts (Rebekah, Mark, Dan), show up for conferences and other school events, feed friends, get Dan to drivers ed, and lend our presence to a gob of other middle school and high school activities and a few college events

- watch Mark and his high school team play soccer at the Metrodome for the state finals

- celebrate Mark’s graduation from high school (May 2003) and Seth’s from Carleton College (June 2003). 
[Allow me to add here, since I didn’t mention it previously, that Rebekah graduated from high school in 2001 and attended Luther College through May 2003, then St. Olaf College starting in Sept 2003.]

- help Seth get settled into an apartment and new job in Madison, WI

- tear down an old teeny garage and build a new great big garage (almost as many square feet as the main level of our house!)

God is good. 

Maybe I can even choose to believe that life is good.